WMD used in War on Porn

The anti-porn insurgency has reared its ugly head. This weekend, authorities discovered a weapon of mass destruction deployed against a Florida smut peddler.

Some folks in the town of Waldo love porn. Thanks to them the Cafe Risque does a brisk business. But there are darker forces at work in the sleepy little town as well. Protests are not uncommon. On Sunday a chemical weapon strike was launched at the Cafe.

Perched atop the air conditioning unit off the back of the building, police found two gallon jugs - one filled with a lethal chemical agent - connected by hoses. One hose ran to a spigot, the other into the sex emporium itself, via a gap in the AC.

"That water hose would churn it up, mix it up in the gallon jug, and enter it into the building," said Alachua County Sheriff's Sergeant Keith Faulk.

"We haven't identified what was actually in the bottle, in the system that delivered it into the building. We do know that it was caustic, it was corrosive, it had a high pH level," Faulk said. He added that the agent will be tested for identification on Tuesday.

Lucky for the cafe and anyone who loves justice, there is security camera mounted high above on a pole out back. Tape was rolling when the rebels struck.

"We do have some very good leads. We have some people of interest that we're looking at," Faulk said.

A HAZMAT team was called in to clean the mess caused by what Florida law calls a WMD. It'll cost the local taxpayers about $15,000. First Coast News reports that "by Monday, clean-up teams had stripped the room bare." All the tainted porn had to be thrown away.

This was just the latest setback for businessman Jerry Sullivan. His desire to turn what was once Bobby's Hideaway bar into the Cafe Risque has been met with resistance by a group calling themselves "Americans for Morality."

"Somebody had a real mastermind behind this," Sullivan said. "Somebody set out to hurt me, my brother-in-law and my business. And I don't take lightly to someone hurting my family."

Though Faulk expressed no opinion about porn, his contempt for terrorists and their ways was clear.

"They're looking at hundreds of thousands of dollars in fines, and... 30 years in jail," Faulk said. "You're trying to hurt people. You're trying to change their ideas or instill fear. And that's exactly what the terrorists do. So this person is a local terrorist ... This man (Sullivan) went through every hoop and hurdle that he was asked to do, and he is legally opening that building. It is wrong for anyone to take it upon themselves to instill fear and injury because they dislike his business."

Sullivan remains committed to bringing the folks of Waldo all the smut they can handle.

"You don't want to hear what I got to say; you couldn't print it on TV," Sullivan said. "I'm coming; this business is coming. It's legal and coming. OK?"