Sucking on God's protein

The Antichrist must surely be shaking in his boots right now with the revelation (no pun intended) that Christian Fundie loudmouth Pat Robertson is leg-pressing 2000 pounds, no doubt in order to give Satan a good butt-kicking when he turns up on 6/6/6.

The claim was made on the website of the Christian Broadcasting Network: "Did you know that Pat Robertson can leg press 2,000 pounds? How does he do it? Where does Pat find the time and energy to host a daily, national TV show, head a world-wide ministry, develop visionary scholars, while traveling the globe as a statesman?"

By "statesman", we're assuming they mean religious standover man, natural disaster profiteer, insulter of our allies and just general bonehead who calls for the assassination of the leaders of other countries.

So what's the secret of Robertson's strength? Is it a miracle bestowed upon him by a grateful God? Not so, according to the good reverend himself. "One of Pat's secrets to keeping his energy high and his vitality soaring is his age-defying protein shake," according to his website. "Pat developed a delicious, refreshing shake, filled with energy-producing nutrients. Discover what kinds of natural ingredients make up Pat's protein shake by registering for your FREE booklet today!"

While some websites have questioned whether 76-year-old Robertson would be able to leg-press the equivalent of a small car, his spokesperson has rebuked the criticism.

"His doctor, by the way, has leg pressed 2,700 pounds," they answered. "It is not nearly as hard as the authors of these reports make it out to be."

I guess that begs the question, what's so damn great about the shake then? I'll have what the doctor's having thanks.