Fire and brimstone raining down, cats sleeping with dogs, Al Gore making sweet love to George W. Bush. That's right, the apocalypse - is it only two weeks away?
June 6th this year will translate to 6-6-6, the Number of the Beast, well-known from that crazy Bible chapter known as 'Revelations'. Excitement is mounting amongst Satan's minions, none more so than advertising executives, who are getting ready to jump on the Anti-Christ bandwagon in order to boost corporate profits and stir up some publicity.
Movie execs have already planned to release a remake of the satanic horror film The Omen on the day, a terrifying reminder of why moms-to-be are dreading the day.
And just to show the devil's got a sense of humor, David Lee Roth will also release a new album titled "Strummin' With the Devil," which is a bluegrass tribute to Van Halen. Yes, forget death metal ... Lucifer prefers bluegrass.
The Church of Satan will be holding a major religious event, in which a satanic high Mass will be conducted - but they're just going on the word of the true spawn of Satan, the marketing industry. "We are simply taking advantage of this unique date which the public fears because of Christian mythology as promoted by Hollywood hypesters," says Church of Satan High Priest Peter H. Gilmore.
Colorado authorities are taking things a bit more seriously though. "The bottom line is that our intelligence unit is familiar with 666 and its significance," says Lt. Rafael Cintron of the Colorado Springs Police Department. Some expectant mothers are also wary of giving birth to Damien, while Christian groups are preparing for the Devil himself to walk among us.
And perhaps he will. Or should I say 'she'. Guess when conservative pundit Ann Coulter is scheduled to release her new book Godless? That's right: 6-6-6.
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