2006/01/22

Survey

where are you right now? I'M right behind you
what did you do today? This
three things that help you get through the day?Drinking myself into a coma, porn, and masturbating intill I black out
who did you last talk to on the phone? A fucking tellamarketer, I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!!
favorite food:Thai, and Japanese
favorite music: Alternative
drink of choice:Coke
Complete:
In ten years: Drunk in a bar in a foreign country
Your ideal man/woman: Super hot, super smart, and funny, and able to put up with me on a regular basis
The perfect vacation: Fiji, need I say more
If you threw a dinner party and could invite any three people, living or dead, who would you ask to come:Poe, for his upbeat stories, Sung Hi Li, for her tasty, yummy eye candy ness, and Kiera Knightly for her super hot tastiness
Right Now:
are you in a relationship?Some what
do you have a crush on anyone? Yes
are you happy? For the most part
what are you listening to? The Football Game
what are you thinking about? Sex
is it raining? No
what are you reading? Burma Days, Saturday, The Stranger
are you angry with anyone? The Cleveland Browns, WIN A FUCKING GAME!!!!!!!!
When was the last time:
hugged someone: Last night
cried: Can't remember
went to church: A What?
read a book you gave to someone else to read:Today
went to a party:Christmas
ate rabbit: Never
completed a crossword puzzle: Never
got a present: Thursday

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

2006/01/19

Spam, the evilist of all evil doers

Warning: This is without a doubt the most depraved, foul, insidious and malevolent of all possible evil professions. If you choose this job you will be hated by good and evil-doers alike, becoming the lowest of all possible lows, with vigilantes hunting you and entire religions springing up devoted to your destruction. And not without good reason.
You will need: "Special $200 CD with email addresses lifted from USENET! All completely legal! Really!"
Also required: Overall worthlessness, wretched stench, complete and utter lameness, heart of darkness, unending depravity, lack of a soul, I.Q. the equivalent of pond scum, and the charm of a three-day-dead rat left festering in the sun that even the maggots won't touch because it's so goddamn ugly and repulsive.
We won't actually go into the details of this job as it's far too disgusting, even for us. Nevertheless, as a spammer you will now honestly be able to say your downfall from humanity is complete, that your eternal damnation is assured and that none exist who can surpass you in vileness.
Now get away from me.

Oh Marco were did we go wrong with you???

(13 January 2005, Croatia) One fateful afternoon, 55-year-old Marko retreated to his semi-detached workshop to make himself a tool for chimney cleaning. The chimney was too high for a simple broom to work, but if he could attach a brush to a chain and then weigh it down with something, that would do the trick. But what could he use as a weight?
He happened to have the perfect object. It was heavy, yet compact. And best of all, it was made of metal, so he could weld it to the chain. He must have somehow overlooked the fact that it was also a hand grenade and was filled with explosive material.
Marko turned on his welding apparatus and began to create an arc between the chain and the grenade. As the metal heated up, the grenade exploded. The force of the explosion killed poor Marko instantly, blasting shrapnel through the walls of the shed and shattering the windshield of a Mercedes parked outside. Marko's chimney was untouched, however.

2006/01/15

Don't you just hate starting at the bottom

Date Rape!!!!!!!!

I bought you dinner, then you try to ditch me? Your so going to get it!!!!

I really hope you can read this!!!!!

Turner's Family Tree

SIT DOWN!!!!!!!

CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THIS BULL SHIT!!!!!!!!????????


MYTH #1: "Men can pee standing up"

Fact: The reality is men can NOT pee standing up without getting as much as a stray drop on the seat or the outside surface of the toilet. Fragmentation of the urine stream causes particles of urine to dissipate. The larger the distance urine has to travel, the bigger the dissipation radius gets. Some of you may say, "No, not me! I can pee through a donut from 40 feet above!" Well, mister hand-eye coordination, you are probably one of those people who also never ask for directions. Admitting that you have a problem is half the battle. At some point in your life you need to ask yourself, "Is it worth it? What has peeing standing up cost me in my life?"




MYTH #2: "It's a victimless crime."

Fact: Peeing standing up destroys families. Who cleans the bathrooms in your house? Your mother? Your wife? Even if you clean up after yourself, what happens when you are a guest at someone's home, over at your friend's house, visiting the inlaws, or using a public bathroom? Why should someone else have to suffer for your unwillingness to sit down?

TAKE A SEATOnce you realize you have a problem, you can concentrate on the solution. Changing a life long habit may be difficult, that's why we have created a poster to put in your bathroom as a reminder.

TAKE ACTIONOur goal is to transform the way the world goes to the bathroom by year 2010. Become an activist and educate your friends by referring them to our website.Educate your friends and protect your bathroom at the same time! Our printable poster attacks the problem at the root. If you run a website, big or small, you can join our Yellow Ribbon Campaign, by placing a yellow ribbon on your website and linking it to MAPSU.

And I thought I needed a healthier hobby!!!!


This website, well, these guys have a real issue with garden gnomes, kinda like me and clowns, but I don't shove sharp objects into there skulls, I hide under my bed in the fetal position till there gone, but there is some pretty funny things here, so check it out.

2006/01/14

Evil?????

So you have decided to be Evil:
A Step-by-Step Guide to joining the Forces of Darkness

This website will help you in all evil endeavors. Whether your trying to be come a evil mastermind, or just a ruthless henchman, get all your questions answered here.

When will you Die??

I'm scheduled for Friday, August 9, 2058

Why yes I am interested in You long Distance Calling Plans, Please, tell me more

honesty in fortune telling

Saturday night, beer goggles, and a hot chick??

There's something wrong with my pussy!!!

An extremely fat person who's jumped off a building

Watch the center dot...


Keep you eyes focused on the dot in the middle of the image, and move your head back and forth to and from the screen. The wheels will appear to be turning!

Wasn't this Safeways Sign at one time?

The 19th Hole


Mark, I finally found those pictures of Skippy, from high school, He was such a rebel back then.

A Snake Eating A Man


Cracker, the other white meat

This is really sad!!!!!!


An infant born with four legs, three hands, three kidneys and an abnormal liver to a rural Zambian woman two weeks ago, is pictured in Lusaka, July 2, 2003. Doctors at Zambia's main Lusaka University Teaching Hospital said July 3, 2003 the babies deformities were caused by incomplete growth of another fetus and multiplication of cells. They said the baby, whose is yet to be named, would be operated upon and is likely to lead a normal life. Picture taken July 2. REUTERS/Salim Henry

Can we get this guy a tissue please!!!!!

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

Fuggy Fuggy

This is a pretty funny cartoon. Watch it, you'll like it!!!!

LDS Temple in Mesa

Wife took me to this temple to walk around the grounds, very pretty place.