Pray for cheap gas!

A shamed and punch-drunk president nervously poked his head out this afternoon to mark one of America's more pitiful traditions, the so-called National Day of Prayer.

"In my travels across the great land, a comment that I hear often from our fellow citizens is, 'Mr. President, I pray for you and your family,'" Bush lied today. "It's amazing how many times a total stranger walks up and says that to me."

That would, in fact, be amazing. But total strangers are no more allowed near George W. Bush than people with morals are allowed in Washington, D.C. The sad truth is some 200 million Americans do say silent prayers regarding Bush and his administration, but they are angry prayers of righteous vengeance -- eerily similar to the wailing horror of the Book of Lamentations or Habakkuk.

The U.S. day of prayer has been reduced to a sad political stunt, and even Christians don't bother to mark the gloomy occasion these days.

Those few who are praying are doing so in desperation. No longer do people ask their god for America to remain strong. Now the battered citizens of this broken land just beg the Lord for affordable gasoline, or for their sons and daughters to get home alive from whatever's going on in Iraq, wherever it is.

Nation of Humiliation

Unfortunately, the real name for today's pointless jabbering at heaven is no longer in use -- "A Day Of National Humiliation, Fasting, and Prayer."

That's what it was called when the hypocrite atheist Abraham Lincoln looked over the country he destroyed and demanded that Americans pray in shame for all they'd wrought.

It was typical of Lincoln, one of the worst scoundrels in American history and the man who buried the American dream of true liberty.

Before Lincoln's disastrous presidency, Americans had never been drafted into military service. There was no income tax. State governments held the only real power and were directly accountable to that state's citizens. Rebellion was considered healthy, and people couldn't be thrown in some army prison forever as an "enemy combatant" or tried before a kangaroo court "military tribunal."

When he wasn't destroying the young nation's liberties, he was creating an evil shadow government of giant corporations who would have the real power over most Americans' lives from then onward. The self-hating half-insane president was wracked by guilt over letting the United States fall under the control of the robber barons, but he didn't stop it.