Banned from U.S. Airways!

US Airways became the most recent airline to fall victim to a rapacious anti-peanut cabal that will not rest until the humble legume is wiped off the face of the earth.

Following a merger between peanut-friendly America West and peanut-free US Airways, the new US Airways went pro-peanut.

According to Jennifer Tongé, US Airways' director of customer relations, it was far and away customers' favorite snack.

But, due to the complaints of an increasingly hostile and vocal group of allergy-sufferers, those halcyon days of coast-to-coast peanut eatin' are over.

It eventually "became very clear that it was the right decision," said Tongé.

The Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis network crowed about its anti-peanut coup on its website.

"You will soon be able to add US Airways and America West to the list of airlines safe for peanut-allergic airline passengers," gloated the shadowy organization.

"[S]tarting from June 30, 2006, all US Airways and America West flights will serve only non-peanut snacks."

Make no mistake, Mr. Peanut: this means war.

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