30

Birthdays, we all have them, some look forward to them, others try to forget about them. I believe my mom has been 29 for about 32 years now. I think it might be time to face reality. Anywho, when the mile stone years came, they were no big deal. 13, who cares if you are in the teens, big deal. 16, well I had been driving thence I was 10, so being able to do it leagally was nice, but not a real big deal. 18, vote, join the milatary,,,,,well lets just say those aren't real big deals to most teens. 21,, well I vaguly remember my teen years thence most memories were seen through a nice pair of beer goggles, it was not a big deal. Going to a bar was actually a bit of a turn off. Smokey, meat markets with over priced drinks. Yeah. Just not quite as fun as drinking on a logging road with your buddies, diving into the bushes everytime you hear a car coming. Or trashing your buddies house when his parents are out of town, and he invites a "few" friends over for a social gathering. 25, well a quarter of a centuary is cool. I mean it is big deal, if you live in the 1800's we would be the old wise men of the town. Married, with kids, and waiting on grandkids. But lets face it, today, its a pretty common event, and not a real big deal. Now as I stair down the barrel of the big three zero, I feel,,, well I really don't know how to feel. It's like walking down a dark tunnel and naught knowing what is at the end of the tunnel, just knowing there is a door there that you have to go through, no matter what is on the other side. No matter what, you can't go back. I feel like apart of me is dying, and being left behind. Suddenly I feel like the "care free" life I have lead must be cut, and left in the past. It just looks so bleak ahead. I keep catching myself trying to do things that I really should not be doing. Not acting my age. I don't know why 30 looks so bleak to me, I've always acted my age, or actually more mature then my age, but 30 just seems like you have to make a break from your child hood, your dreams. Maybe I am going through a mid life crisis early, I am not sure. I just catch myself looking at girls much younger, I catch my self flirting. Feeling bored with my life. Looking at hobbies that never interested me before. Hobbies that are a bit dangerous. I feel that I have let a lot of opertunities pass me by, and now I regrete it, and am trying to make up for those things. I feel that there is so much of life that I have not lived. there must be something more to life then working and having kids. There must be something greater out there. I just don't know what it is.