What can happen in 30 days at McD's

The New Navy Upgrade

Navy, Showtoons, & choreography, lets go to war!!

Brokeback Boxing

MARK, YOU HAVE TO CHECK THIS OUT, IT'S SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!

Don't you just hate starting at the bottom

Date Rape!!!!!!!!

I bought you dinner, then you try to ditch me? Your so going to get it!!!!

I really hope you can read this!!!!!

Turner's Family Tree

SIT DOWN!!!!!!!

CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THIS BULL SHIT!!!!!!!!????????

MYTH #1: "Men can pee standing up"

Fact: The reality is men can NOT pee standing up without getting as much as a stray drop on the seat or the outside surface of the toilet. Fragmentation of the urine stream causes particles of urine to dissipate. The larger the distance urine has to travel, the bigger the dissipation radius gets. Some of you may say, "No, not me! I can pee through a donut from 40 feet above!" Well, mister hand-eye coordination, you are probably one of those people who also never ask for directions. Admitting that you have a problem is half the battle. At some point in your life you need to ask yourself, "Is it worth it? What has peeing standing up cost me in my life?"

MYTH #2: "It's a victimless crime."

Fact: Peeing standing up destroys families. Who cleans the bathrooms in your house? Your mother? Your wife? Even if you clean up after yourself, what happens when you are a guest at someone's home, over at your friend's house, visiting the inlaws, or using a public bathroom? Why should someone else have to suffer for your unwillingness to sit down?

TAKE A SEATOnce you realize you have a problem, you can concentrate on the solution. Changing a life long habit may be difficult, that's why we have created a poster to put in your bathroom as a reminder.

TAKE ACTIONOur goal is to transform the way the world goes to the bathroom by year 2010. Become an activist and educate your friends by referring them to our website.Educate your friends and protect your bathroom at the same time! Our printable poster attacks the problem at the root. If you run a website, big or small, you can join our Yellow Ribbon Campaign, by placing a yellow ribbon on your website and linking it to MAPSU.

And I thought I needed a healthier hobby!!!!

This website, well, these guys have a real issue with garden gnomes, kinda like me and clowns, but I don't shove sharp objects into there skulls, I hide under my bed in the fetal position till there gone, but there is some pretty funny things here, so check it out.

Evil?????

So you have decided to be Evil:
A Step-by-Step Guide to joining the Forces of Darkness

This website will help you in all evil endeavors. Whether your trying to be come a evil mastermind, or just a ruthless henchman, get all your questions answered here.

When will you Die??

I'm scheduled for Friday, August 9, 2058

Why yes I am interested in You long Distance Calling Plans, Please, tell me more

honesty in fortune telling

Saturday night, beer goggles, and a hot chick??

There's something wrong with my pussy!!!

An extremely fat person who's jumped off a building

Watch the center dot...

Keep you eyes focused on the dot in the middle of the image, and move your head back and forth to and from the screen. The wheels will appear to be turning!

Wasn't this Safeways Sign at one time?

The 19th Hole

Mark, I finally found those pictures of Skippy, from high school, He was such a rebel back then.

A Snake Eating A Man

Cracker, the other white meat

This is really sad!!!!!!

An infant born with four legs, three hands, three kidneys and an abnormal liver to a rural Zambian woman two weeks ago, is pictured in Lusaka, July 2, 2003. Doctors at Zambia's main Lusaka University Teaching Hospital said July 3, 2003 the babies deformities were caused by incomplete growth of another fetus and multiplication of cells. They said the baby, whose is yet to be named, would be operated upon and is likely to lead a normal life. Picture taken July 2. REUTERS/Salim Henry

Can we get this guy a tissue please!!!!!

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

Fuggy Fuggy

This is a pretty funny cartoon. Watch it, you'll like it!!!!

Russian exercise from the 30's

You are suppose to rub ice, or very cold water over your nipples everyday. I wonder what they do for there leisure time activities?

This is real toilet paper, Can't wait to buy a few rolls

I can't wait to rub shit all over Bush, and his henchmens face's.

This is a real Russian sobriety test

Santa's New ride

And I thought the just made razors

I heard this will shave your junk, and protect you from the nasty crap swimming in your hoochy, all at the same time

Coke in Russia

Why does the bear look so fucking creepy? Is he pissing on the coke?

CAPTAIN CONDOM!!!!!!

So was your new Years as rough as mine!!!!

Who's leg do you have to hump to get some aspirin around this dump??

Micro machines has gone to far!!!!

Introducing the new micro machine hair removal system, by Hasbro. Rumor has it Tonka and matchbox will launch similar lines in the very near future. I'm looking forward to the matchbox nose hair submarine, and Tonka's ass hair, logging crew, which is rumored to come with a skidder, and a fleet of logging trucks. Also able to tackle back hair, once the ass deforestation is complete.

Caught Red handed

Yeah like that fat cow actually has that kind of a body, if she did, I could understand him getting into trouble over her.

The levels you sink to when your desperate

The new Drug Craze, CrystalXmas

Even if you haven't decorated your house for Christmas yet, you still have time to grow a "Magic Christmas Tree" or a "Magic Snowman"! The Magic Christmas Tree consists of a basic tree and a liquid to be added to its base in order to grow green crystal leaves in 12 hours. It also includes red garlands and a star for the top of the tree. The Magic Snowman is basically the same and its white crystals grow in approximately 24 hours. Before you ask me, these are not made in Japan and have been around for a while. But they are top selling items in Rakuten this holiday season due to their affordable price and ideal size as a gift.

Oh my inflatable women, I'm in love!!!

Holy shit batman, this is a new life size doll, that is threatening the inflatable woman industry. Now the question, do I start upgrading, or stay with the old reliable? These lovely new dolls are very expensive, but are made to suite, you pick out everything. Oh life, why must you make me make such hard choices!!!!!

Ice Cream Anyone?

I know it's not in English, It's in Japanese, but this is the newest flavor in Japan, Wasabi Ice Cream!! Yes, Wasabi, Japanese Horse radish, That super spicy paste you have on your sushi, now can be enjoyed with your ice cream, because I mean what could be tastier then a big spoonfull of wasabi flavored ice cream. There three other new flavors,,,,,,cucumber, soy sauce, and cactus. Well, I guess Ben & Jerries have there work cut out for them, if they hope to enter the Japenese market.

I GOT BLUE BALLS!!!!!!!!!!

HenkaQ makes these golf balls that change colors when exposed to sunlight. Their base color is white but thanks to the ultraviolet rays they can turn into light blue, blue, yellow or purple. The HenkaQ site explains us that the balls' surface is treated with a photochromic compound similar to the one used in sunglasses that become darker in order to protect the eyes from UV rays. And their newest product is a fluorescent golf ball, for those nights in which you cannot sleep and want to practice golf instead (?).

Being Sick Blows!!!!!!!!

Ok, ok, I admit it, I'm sick, my son is sick, everyone around me is sick!!! This is the first time my son has been really sick, and it made me think back to when I was his age, and had my first real illness. So I thought I would share this little trip down memory lane with everyone. My grandmother, who moved to the states when she was 18 from Germany, would always demand that she take care of me when I got sick. Now her, being stuck in her german mind set, and never trully understanding the concept of a drinking age, considered tea, laced with a shot of booze, and a spoonfull of honey, with just a few drops of lemon juice, the cure all for all illnesses. Now after a intense questioning of my ailments, she would begin the brewing of the tea, hot water, ad tea bag, wait till water is slightly brownish, it's,,,,,,ready, ok, now a coupls drops of lemon, fine fine, were wasting space, ad very healthy spoon full of honey, more, more, ad just a bit more, got to keep those cute little bee's employed. Now to the bathroom medicene cabinet, aka the wet bar, and begin mixing. A splash of gin, just a drop of bourbon, oh a smidge of rum, stir and then chug, repeat till you start to fill better, or just don't care how crappy you feel. Now, I would be lieing if I didn't admit, I spent most of my teenage years desperatly trying to find sick people, and trying to convince them into coughing on me. So, please take your fancy medicenes and cough syrups, and shove them up your ass, give me a jar of honey, some crappy tea, and a bottle of rum, I'll happily trade a flu, for a hangover. Anyone else feeling a little under the weather?

Safe Phone Sex

Ok, were just taking this way to fucking far, a god damn rubber for your cell phone!!!!! Come on, live dangerously, take a chance, what in the fuck are you going to catch, it's your fucking cell phone, it's not like someone is shoving it up there asses when your not around. Well, I don't know, I mean I guess if you put it on vibrate, that might kinda come in handy,,,,could I please get a pack of the pretty pink ones,,,,,thanks

Interesting offer from Telephone Organization of Thailand

I got my phone bill today from TOT, the Telephone Organization of Thailand. There was an insert in the envelope advertising some of their new services. I normally just toss these things. But upon closer examination they have a new offer that looks very interesting. Take a close look at the photo above and tell me if this is something you would not expect from a boring old telephone company.

Now thats service!!!!!

sex survey

The Durex 2005 Global Sex Survey has been published, Curzon at Coming Anarchy examines the results.:
* Greeks do it the most, followed by Croatia, Serbia, and Bulgaria. * Malaysians like to do it in the toilet and their parent’s bedroom * Thais like to use porn. * Indians are late to start and faithful at it. * South Africans risk their lives doing it (which may explain a lot) as do women from New Zealand. * The Chinese are least happy (22%!) with it. * The Japanese do it the least, again (just 45 times a year); Singaporeans rank second to last (at 73 times a year). * Canadian women like it more than Canadian men. * Australians are average. Also note,Taiwanese are the most likely (47%) to use vibrators as a sex aid;

beijing steps up war on terror

With the US State Department issuing terror alert warnings for Guangzhou and other areas, it's refreshing to see that the capital has started taking precautions.:


This sign I noticed in the Sanlitun diplomatic compound in Beijing: You are not allowed to blow up your car! Not sure if it is a temporary sign (Mr. Bush will visit Beijing this week) or whether it has been here longer already. Or does it mean something else?

Why can't we simplify our terror alerts, fuck what orange or red means, just give use a sign saying what we can and can not blow up.

I'm sorry, but we will need to reschedule all car bombings. I am sorry for the inconvience caused by this, but we do have a few openings for next week.

Shag your toilet!!!!

Following the revelation that Malaysian's prefer to have sex in washrooms, TV Smith produces the definitive guide.:

In the recent 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey, Malaysians overwhelmingly picked the toilet as the preferred place for shagging outside a bedroom. In view of this prevalent practice, Dua Sen presents the definitive guide to toilet bonking...

Where: Recommended: • Unisex toilets: Beach Club, Passion, Loft, Thai Club, Liquid KL • Spacious toilets: Imbi Food Court, KL, Press Club of KL. • Lonely toilets: Shell Station, Batu 13 Ulu Langat. • Artistic toilets: Pudu Complex (excellent erotic graffiti on doors).

Not recommended: • Rajooz Curry House PJ - Stack of dirty dishes inside. • The Mall KL - The doors are about 3 or 4 feet high. • Boutique Toilet KLCC - Will people who won't pay for a room pay RM 4 for a toilet? • LRT Stations - Gadget mounted to prevent squatting over bowl hinders smooth sex. • Zouk KL - Bouncers get upset. • Toilets for the handicapped - Peter Tan gets really upset.

Don't forget to watch out for the plunger being left in a place that could become a danger to you or your partnet. That could really kill the mood.

Destroy all HUMANS!!!!!!

Ok, I am not a big game player anymore, and even in my hay day I wasn't that into games. But, I just gotta do my part in promoting this game!!! Its the fucking funniest game ever!!! There are Anal probes and abductions, it's the greatest fucking game ever!!!!!! If you have a x-box get this game!!!!!

Maybe we should take a hint?

What would we do without sociology experts?

"Speaking of hurricanes, America's sociologists are perplexed: despite damage that surpassed New Orleans, why was there no looting in Mississippi? Magnolia Stater and Katrina survivor JSS3 sends some photo data that may help solve this mystery."

MARK, YOU HAVE TO CHECK THIS OUT!!!!!!

http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/bits/march24.swf


The Attck of the killer Grandma's!!!!!

Now if we can just find a 4000 year old jar of Ragu

Who invented the noodle is a hotly contested topic - with the Chinese, Italians and Arabs all staking a claim. But the discovery of a pot of thin yellow noodles preserved for 4000 years in Yellow river silt may have tipped the bowl in China's favour. It suggests that people were eating noodles at least 1000 years earlier than previously thought, and many centuries before such dishes were documented in Europe. "These are undoubtedly the oldest noodles ever found," says Houyuan Lu at China's Institute of Geology and Geophysics in Beijing. His team found the noodles buried 3 metres deep in flood-plain sediment at Lajia in north-eastern China after lifting out an upturned bowl. The "spaghetti-like" noodles, up to 50 centimetres long, sat atop a mound of silt which had sealed them in the bowl following a major earthquake and flood.

Word Verification

I'm sorry everyone(mark) who actually reads and responds to my blog, but I have turned the word verification on, so now every time you post, you will have to type something in. I don't know if that will help stop the mother fuckers who spam blogs, but I'm giving it a shot.

Spam Kills!!!

You dickless mother fuckers!!! Who in the fuck do you think you are spamming blogs??!! Fuck you and all those around you, you fucking pieces of shit!!! Don't you cause enough bullshit with your fucking pop-ups and e-mails, now you have to fuck with someone's blog? God, I fucking hope something really bad happens to you!!! I'm serously considering finding religion, just so when I pray for evil to fall upon you, it has a better chance of coming to fruition!!!! If I ever catch one of you mother fuckers, I am going to cut off you nuts, and tea bag you with your severed bloody sack!!!!! DIE!!!!! YOU PIECES OF SHIT!!!!

Love,

The International Institute of Peace and Love

So be good, for goodness sake

"Having engaged in bodily misconduct,verbal misconduct,misconduct of mind,or whatever else is flawed,not having done what is skillful, having done much that is not, at the break-up of the body,the undiscerning one reappears inhell."--Buddha, Itivuttaka